Clearly, I have been very successful with this whole online thing.

Summary of my online dating experiences so far:


Date 1: Peter the lawyer. PTL only had two pictures on his profile which should have been red flag #1. But he was going to be my first date, and though he sounded like a hyperactive child on crack during the phone calls, I still chose to go. We decided on Indian food. Near where he lives (Red flag #2...the guy should always come to you on the first date). I get there, before he does, even though he lives 2 seconds away. I call and tell him I will wait in my car until he arrives. He arrives. He gets out of his car and runs around the parking lot. Literally, runs. Looking for me. I'm not sure why he didn't just call me, but I get out of my car and lasso him in. He has an incredibly small head. He is dressed nicely though.


We go inside. I'm bored. Dinner is delicious. He goes to the bathroom at least five times. He tells me stories I don't care about. I'm still bored. He shows me a video of dolphins jumping out of the water. I'm falling asleep at the table. We leave. 


He gives me a hug. And runs away. 


Two months later (with no word after our date [thank god]), he texts me. He wants to know the name of the chicken that I ate that night. I tell him. Haven't heard from him since. One down, five to go.


Date 2: The Gym Teacher. He was kind of cute. We went to dinner. It lasted an hour. That's it. An hour. He told me he'd call me and we should do it again. Never heard from him. 


Date 3: German Boy. He lived in Germany. I mean, for like a few months. Not now. That would be weird.  His profile said he was 5'7 but he was really like 5'4. He drove to our date in a super crazy thunderstorm. He was perfectly nice. And not so perfectly short. He made me rate our date. I gave it a 7. That apparently meant I didn't really want to see him again. I told him I'd go on a second date with him. He wanted me to drive to him for it. It was like an hour and a half away. So I lied. And said that I was seeing someone else. Oops.


Date 4: The Comedian. He asked me what size pants I wore before the date. And he had a credit card with a picture of himself on it. Enough said.


Date 5: Army Boy. We texted a lot and talked a lot and our two dates were good. Until he booty called me for the third and I told him no and then he blocked my phone number. Can we say.... crazy?


Date 6: Airforce Boy. Sticking with the rules of dating no men in the military, Airforce boy was 6'4 and blond. Sounds good, looked good, until he opened his mouth and I thought that he may possibly have a mental issue. Possibly a serial killer. Possibly has aspergers. Possibly is just weird because he's from Ohio. Haven't heard from him since our date. 


Date 7....... Up Next!